Framework: Thoughts for Mother's Day

Hello fellow mommies, friends, anyone with a mom...
This year marks my first "official" Mother's Day. Yay :) Last year I was about seven months pregnant and it was neat, but this year feels different having been a mother now for almost ten months. I have been thinking so much lately about my son, and my role as his mother. I thought I would share my thougts with you.

First of all I thought of my own mother and what she means to me. I have thought about her a lot lately anyways, with her upcoming second marriage to someone who is not my dad. The best way to explain a lot of what I have felt since my dad's passing is fear. Fear that my mother who has always been supportive and loving, would not be able to fill the void that my father would leave. I was so worried that she would not be able to counsel us girls like my dad did, to listen and give advice like he did. But I quickly realized, she had never lead this way. She had never been a leader the way my dad was... but she taught us in a different way, an equally important way. She was a silent example of how we should live. She has always lead us by example and she is a great one. I love her with all my heart and am constantly surprised by how well she takes the role of matriarch of our family. She will continue to be so I'm sure.

So, then my meandering thoughts traveled to my own beautiful son, and what it means to me to be his mother. I decided that being a mother is such a special role. A very different role from my mother's relationship to me, because I'm a girl, as my role will be to him since he is a boy. My mother taught me how to be a girl, a woman, and how to be a compassionate, loving mother. But, I do think it will be a learning process raising a little boy up to a man. Since I had no brothers, the role of my husband, his father, will be also very important.

Ash knows more about what it is to be a boy, a man, and a father. Things that he learned from his father will make his role volitole. But what about my role as his mother? I obviously can't teach him how to shave, potty train (I mean... I guess I can but it won't be the same coming from me) I can't teach him how to tie a tie (never learned that one either) so many things will be a larger role for Ash. And that was a little sad for me at first.

But then one day it hit me, no I can't teach him to be a boy, but I can help teach him to be a man who treats women with respect and love. Since I have had MANY great examples of this in my own life. The way that I view men, and fathers in general is thanks to my father, my husband, my grandfather, and my father-in law. All great men and examples.

See now? I am extremely important in my son't life because everything that he learns about woman will largely come from me. The way I act, and react to situations is going to be his first examples of how a woman should act, and the way my husband treats me will be his first examples of how a man should treat a woman. He will ultimately treat girls and women the way he sees me be treated, and the way he views women will ultimately be learned from the way he views me. And someday when he dates, and eventually (very, very eventually) marries, he will choose a woman based on things he has learned from me, his first example.

I want to be someone he can be proud of, someone he loves and respects. I want to be someone he can confide in and feel better after having talked to. I want him to grow up thinking about his actions towards women, and ask himself, "would I treat my mother this way?" and have that help him throughout his life.

Of course Ash's role is so important too, all the things that I will teach him about women, he will teach him about men. And our roles as his parents will help determine who he will be. It seems overwhelming at times, almost scary! But together I know we can do it. He sees how we will treat eachother and react to eachother and I am constantly aware of that. He will learn about relationships early on from how we treat each other. We are the framers of our children's sense of self. The framework that will make up who they are. I want my son's frame to be steadfast and sturdy, but I also want it to contain a compassionate heart with a special place in it for me.

So, this Mother's Day, whether you have been a mom forever, this is your first, or you have yet to hold that precious little one in your arms remember... We are all so important to our children!

P.S. Does it feel to anyone else like we are having an abundance of boys this year?? It seems like everyone is having boys lately...

P.S.S. here is a link, in case there are any doubts, of how much a mother can impact her child's life. The author was on the radio this morning and I was literally bawling at my desk. I have not read it YET, but hearing the way he talked about his mother was so inspiring! I ordered my copy already :)

http://deseretbook.com/Sit-All-Amazed-Extraordinary-Power-Mothers-Love-Steve-Mikita/i/5053196

Much Love,
Crystal

If I'm being perfectly Honest...

Here are some random facts you may or may not know about me: (A lot of people I know have been doing that thirty day challenge and I am too scatter brained to remember to do that so I just wanted to share some facts instead :)

- My Middle name is Miranda, I never really liked or hated it, I just thought it was ok. There were some conflicting reports about who picked it, Amber said it was her, but my mom told me it was my dad... Who knows

- When I was a baby I stuck my tongue out just like my son does now :)

- I am the third of four daughters, but it's weird because I felt growing up like Jessica and I were both the babies even though I was more a middle child. We were like two sets of kids, with Tiff and Amber having a six year gap between Jessica and I. So in a sense I was the baby and the Oldest of our "set" at the same time.

- I met my husband when I was just fifteen, we started dating when I was sixteen, and were married by twenty-one (I had been twenty one for three days) and strangely enough, I was the oldest of all my sisters when I got married.  That's so Utah :)

- The people closest to me might know this already, I HATED being pregnant, with a passion. Some people might love it, I was not one of them. Mostly I think I hated being restricted, there is so much you can't do and I didn't like mother nature telling me what I could and couldn't do.

- Despite hating being pregnant, I LOVED giving birth. Yes, I said it. Labor was just that, labor, but the actual giving birth part, the last like twenty minutes of it was so amazing! If I could just do that part again and skip everything else I would! When they placed Riley on my stomach and I saw what all the restrictions and hard work had been about I was so.. Proud! He looked right into my eyes and I said, "Hi baby, your so gross!" (He was really slimy) But I was crying as I said which meant I loved him anyways :)

- I know it can go either way, But I think having a baby has only made Ash and I closer.

- Riley Ray is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me

- My little sister Jessica is my best friend

- It amazed me when Ash and I stopped Partying, when we got pregnant and had the baby, so many "friends" quit coming around. We found out who was really a friend, and who never was.

- I can be evil, mean, and nasty if I don't like you. On the other hand, I can be a very loyal, loving friend

- I am the only woman at my place of business, "the girl in the office" is what most people refer to me as and I don't mind.

- I was in Therapy for awhile dealing with the loss of my dad, and my control issues. Though I don't think I stayed with it as long as I should have, I learned a lot about myself.

- I still miss and think about my dad every day, sometimes I wonder if anyone will really ever get me the way he did.

- I don't like to admit it much, but I am a lot like my grandmother

- I really don't want to, or admit it, but I kind of like my mom's fiance Jordan...

- I absolutely Love and Adore my quirky, hilarious, loving, generous, Husband Ashley Ray!!! I'm as crazy about him now as I was as a kid :)

- When I first met Ash, it was NOT love at first sight... In fact I'm pretty sure I made fun of him. But as soon as I got to know him, there has been no one else I could ever see at my side.

- My family is crazy and over-dramatic... but I love them, every last crazy one of them!

In case you didn't know :)

Much Love,
Crystal

Being a mother...

BEING A MOTHER...

After 17 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to
take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She
said, 'I love you, but I know this other woman loves
you and would love to spend some time with you.'
* * *

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit
was my MOTHER, who has been alone for 20 years,
but the demands of my work and my two boys had
made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
* * *

That night I called to invite her to go out for
dinner and a movie.
* * *

'What's wrong, aren't you well,' she asked?
* * *

My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a
late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign
of bad news.
* * *

'I thought it would be pleasant to spend some
time with you,' I responded.. 'Just the two of us.'
She thought about it for a moment, and then said,
'I would like that very much.'
* * *

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick
her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her
house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous
about our date. She waited in the door.
She had curled her hair and was wearing the
dress that she had worn to celebrate her last
birthday on November 19th.
* * *

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an
angel's... 'I told my friends that I was going to go
out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said,
as she got into that new white van.
'They can't wait to hear about our date'.
* * *

We went to a restaurant that, although not
elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my
arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat
down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only
read large print.. Half way through the entries, I
lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at
me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. 'It was I
who used to have to read the menu when you were
small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and
let me return the favor,' I responded.
* * *

During the dinner, we had an agreeable
conversation- -nothing extraordinary but catching up
on recent events of each other's life. We talked so
much that we missed the movie.
* * *

As we arrived at her house later, she said,
'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me
invite you.' I agreed.
* * *

'How was your dinner date ?'
asked my wife when I got home.
'Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,'
I  answered.
* * *

A few days later, my mother died of a massive
heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't
have a chance to do anything for her.
* * *

Some time later, I received an envelope with a
copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place
mother and I had dined. An attached note said: 'I
paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I
could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two
plates - one for you and the other for your wife.
You will never know what that night meant for me.
I love you, son.'
* * *

At that moment, I understood the importance of
saying in time: 'I LOVE YOU' and to give our loved
ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is
more important than your family. Give them the time
they deserve, because these things cannot be put off
till 'some other time.'
* * *

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back
to normal after you've had a baby..... somebody
doesn't know that once you're a mother,
'normal' is  history
* * *

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by
instinct .. somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
* * *

Somebody said being a mother is boring ...
somebody never rode in a car driven
by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a 'good' mother,
your child will 'turn out good'....
somebody thinks a child comes with
directions and a guarantee.
* * *

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a
mother... somebody never helped a fourth grader
with his math..
* * *

Somebody said you can't love the second child as
much as you love the first .... somebody doesn't
have two children.
* * *

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother
is labor and delivery.... somebody never
watched her 'baby' get on the bus
for the first day of  kindergarten ...
or on a plane headed for military 'boot camp.'
* * *

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her
child gets married....somebody doesn't know that
marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a
mother's heartstrings.
* * *
Somebody said a mother's job is done when
her last child leaves home....
Somebody never had grandchildren.
* * *
Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so
you don't need to tell her.... Somebody isn't a mother.

This isn't just about being a mother; it's about appreciating
the people in your life while you have them, no matter who that
person is...

I have been thinkin a lot about my own mother lately. She is a widow and I all too often forget what it must be like for her because I'm too busy thinking about my own loss of my dad almost three years ago. This story really made me think about how I want to take advantage of the fact that we still have her every day. Her hapiness means more to me than any issues that I may still be having with my losses. My mom is an amazing, smart woman and I am so glad to have her in my life!

Here is a quote that I found that I liked today spoken by the 14th Dalai Lama, "The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being."
Hope everyone is having a great day, much love,
Crystal

Out of the ruins... We rise up and show our true colors

Hello all,
Attached is a link to some information on the Janapnese Tsunami and suggestions for sending financial aid. By now we have all heard how terrible this tragedy is and how many lives were lost and how many people are still missing. It is a sad day when the only thing on the news is the death toll and all the things that were destroyed. Yes, mother nature is a powerful force and it seems that lately she has had a mean streak. And though it seems that these kinds of things are happening so frequently these days we have to wonder if this is also a chance for us to learn how to be grateful, sympathetic, gracious, and giving. So many things can we take from this. And I am always so moved and amazed by what happens right after a disaster like this. People come out of the woodworks to HELP.

Celebrities, humanitarians, world leaders, military personnel, doctors, and everyday average people like you and me, find ways to aid the country and the people within it. These people are leaving there comfortable lives at home in their safe countries to go into a place that has fallen apart basically to help people they have never met. My husband and I had a deep conversation about this the other night while watching the news. I said, "Can you imagine being a person who survived? You know that help may be days away still and you can hear people trapped in the rubbell, and you know that you may be their only chance for survival? All the sudden, you are the only deciding factor in whether they live or die. And as many times as things like this happen people do not hesitate to jump in there and help. How amazing is that?" We saw it with Haiti, one of the poorest countries in the world, and how they stood together and helped each other to survive. We can certainly focus on the negative, all the death and the destruction. But we can also choose to see how amazing the human spirit can be, how we choose over and over again to help our fellow man out... Simply because we are fellow men.

I am constantly moved by the pictures, not only because they are so sad to see, but how the photographers have captured this human spirit as well, people helping people. People they have never met and probably will never see again. If you haven't already, look around you, and be grateful for what you have. Also, it's not a bad time to review your own emergency preparedness plans. I know mine could use some updating... ok, ok, I guess I could come up with one first and then update it. Either way, we can use this as a learning experience and a rare chance to see the good side of people. The people who have dropped everything to go and help, I wish I could send out a mass message to them to thank them for what they are doing. I would sure hope they would do the same for me if I ever needed it. Much love,

Crystal.
Here is the link:

Japan tsunami: Here's how you can help - CSMonitor.com

Quick story to remind us to be grateful.

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet.  
He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help."  
There were only a few coins in the hat.


 

A man was walking by.  
He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat.
He then took the sign, turned it around and wrote some words.  
He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up.  
 A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy.  
That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were.
 The boy recognized his footsteps and  asked,
 "Were you the one who changed my sign  this morning?  What did you write?"
                               


 
The man said, "I only wrote the truth.  
I said what you said but in a different way.
"I wrote: 'Today is a beautiful day; but I cannot see it.'"
                               
Both signs told people that the boy was blind.  
But the first sign simply said the boy was blind.  
The second sign reminded people how fortunate they were to have their sight.  
Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?  


  Moral of the Story:  

Be thankful for what you have.  
Be creative. Be innovative.  Think differently and positively.
When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile.  
Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Keep the faith and drop the fear.

Eight "Squeaker" Months :)

Hello Everyone!

Today my little squeak is eight months old and what an incredible ride it's been so far. It seems he has grown in leaps and bounds these last few days. He's mobile... beware! He now scoots in his own one-leg-crossed army style that's all his own, (I call it the squeak-scoot). He holds his bottle, despite my best efforts to deter him from taking yet another job away from me :( and he sits up for long periods of time, he also finally learned to jump with both legs in his Jumparoo. Yes people... I fear that walking is not too much farther down the road. These things are all great, it means he is catching up to what is normal for his age despite being born almost six weeks early.

The doctor said by one year we probably won't notice the difference between him and other one year olds which is great. But of course I would love him no matter what. We have had a rough past couple of nights. Since Ash has switched to the night shift it has brought about a change in him. He is clingy to me, and wakes up at all hours of the night, seemingly to make sure that someone is still there to comfort him. At first I was very frustrated, it felt like we were taking steps back at night, despite our steps forward during the day. But then I talked to my little sis, usually it is me giving her advice but now we seem to take turns which is great. She told me it must be Ash's schedule change and in a few days hopefully he will decide that no one is going to leave him and he will sleep in peace again. So last night when he woke up twice I was more calm. I made him a small bottle and rocked him and told him it would be alright. Mommy's not going anywhere, I promised, and he cuddled back which he doesn't do during the day.

It's so much harder to be pleasant at three am with a hysterical baby, but then he did somehting that made me completely forget to be frustrated. I was rocking him and he was resting his head on my chest and was almost asleep, all the sudden he lifts his head up and blew a raspberry on my neck! Then he laughed and put his head back down and fell fast asleep! It was the funniest thing I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Then I kissed his chubby little cheek and put him in his crib and went to bed and he slept the rest of the night.

Despite trials, and times I want to pull my hair out, he truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me and having him with the love of my life makes it all the better. My little family is the best and I wouldn't change it for all the well-rested nights in the world. Lots of Love,

Crystal

That which does not kill us...

Hello all, Just wanted to take a quick minute to post another message. Had a hard day, yes it's not all sunshine and roses believe it or not. But that is what this page is for. To take what is hard and negative in my life and put a positive spin on it. My husband, for anyone who doesn't know him, is the hardest working man I have ever known. His commitment and devotion to his job sometimes makes me feel like his family is second at times. This is frustrating to me, who believes that family should always come first.

This was not the first time I had been frustrated, he has to take a turn doing the night shift every so often and I'm not a fan of the night shift at all. Since I work days, we are like two strangers passing in the night and I feel like we miss out on a lot with each other during the six weeks he has to work that shift. This week, he informs me that he has to stay even later because of the extra work load they have. He would be working until three in the morning instead of eleven. Then he tells me that saturday he will be going in for the day shift as well. That means he works until three am, comes home for maybe two hours of sleep, and goes back to work by six am.

This did not sit well with me. I was so angry that his work would even allow him to do this. Then he tells me that it was his choice, that they needed him and he said yes. Let me tell you I will never understand this thinking. I guess I was raised differently, working to me is just a job... To him it is what makes him, him. Not that my father didn't work hard, because he would have done anything to make ends meet, but this is a competely foreign work ethic to me.

Anyways, After being upset for about a day about it I finally realized... I looked around at my things, my house, the clothes in my closet, the food in my pantry, the vehicles outside, all the things that we use and need in our daily lives that we don't even think about. That hard work pays for those things and can afford us a lifestyle where we can do things that we want to do. Instead of being angry with him I should wake up each morning and THANK him. I should also thank heavenly father for being born into a country and time where the freedom to work and play is available to everyone. That pursuit of happiness is what makes this country different from the others. It is not only a privilege... but a Right!

In my place of business I get to see and hear first hand the troubles in the economy. It didn't hit so close to my heart than the other day when a 77 year old customer of ours who had been doing well for many many years, and spent the last few years building a beautiful retirement home for his and his wife, lost almost everything. They are now watching their beautiful home being sold for pennies on the dollar. His heartbreaking story almost made me cry right there in the office. He said, i'm 77 years old, i'm not going to be able to start over. This is the story for so many people and I will always remember that anytime I start to fell ungrateful for what I have.

It could always be worse, and when I'm feeling mad that Ash is gone, It's almost as if on que... Riley will smile or giggle. Last night he tried to blow a raspberry on my neck because I do it to him all the time. He is my light in what can be a dark and sad world. Then I will get a text from Ash saying how much he loves and misses me. These little things make a big difference. What a wonderful family I have! Lots of love,

Crystal