Framework: Thoughts for Mother's Day

Hello fellow mommies, friends, anyone with a mom...
This year marks my first "official" Mother's Day. Yay :) Last year I was about seven months pregnant and it was neat, but this year feels different having been a mother now for almost ten months. I have been thinking so much lately about my son, and my role as his mother. I thought I would share my thougts with you.

First of all I thought of my own mother and what she means to me. I have thought about her a lot lately anyways, with her upcoming second marriage to someone who is not my dad. The best way to explain a lot of what I have felt since my dad's passing is fear. Fear that my mother who has always been supportive and loving, would not be able to fill the void that my father would leave. I was so worried that she would not be able to counsel us girls like my dad did, to listen and give advice like he did. But I quickly realized, she had never lead this way. She had never been a leader the way my dad was... but she taught us in a different way, an equally important way. She was a silent example of how we should live. She has always lead us by example and she is a great one. I love her with all my heart and am constantly surprised by how well she takes the role of matriarch of our family. She will continue to be so I'm sure.

So, then my meandering thoughts traveled to my own beautiful son, and what it means to me to be his mother. I decided that being a mother is such a special role. A very different role from my mother's relationship to me, because I'm a girl, as my role will be to him since he is a boy. My mother taught me how to be a girl, a woman, and how to be a compassionate, loving mother. But, I do think it will be a learning process raising a little boy up to a man. Since I had no brothers, the role of my husband, his father, will be also very important.

Ash knows more about what it is to be a boy, a man, and a father. Things that he learned from his father will make his role volitole. But what about my role as his mother? I obviously can't teach him how to shave, potty train (I mean... I guess I can but it won't be the same coming from me) I can't teach him how to tie a tie (never learned that one either) so many things will be a larger role for Ash. And that was a little sad for me at first.

But then one day it hit me, no I can't teach him to be a boy, but I can help teach him to be a man who treats women with respect and love. Since I have had MANY great examples of this in my own life. The way that I view men, and fathers in general is thanks to my father, my husband, my grandfather, and my father-in law. All great men and examples.

See now? I am extremely important in my son't life because everything that he learns about woman will largely come from me. The way I act, and react to situations is going to be his first examples of how a woman should act, and the way my husband treats me will be his first examples of how a man should treat a woman. He will ultimately treat girls and women the way he sees me be treated, and the way he views women will ultimately be learned from the way he views me. And someday when he dates, and eventually (very, very eventually) marries, he will choose a woman based on things he has learned from me, his first example.

I want to be someone he can be proud of, someone he loves and respects. I want to be someone he can confide in and feel better after having talked to. I want him to grow up thinking about his actions towards women, and ask himself, "would I treat my mother this way?" and have that help him throughout his life.

Of course Ash's role is so important too, all the things that I will teach him about women, he will teach him about men. And our roles as his parents will help determine who he will be. It seems overwhelming at times, almost scary! But together I know we can do it. He sees how we will treat eachother and react to eachother and I am constantly aware of that. He will learn about relationships early on from how we treat each other. We are the framers of our children's sense of self. The framework that will make up who they are. I want my son's frame to be steadfast and sturdy, but I also want it to contain a compassionate heart with a special place in it for me.

So, this Mother's Day, whether you have been a mom forever, this is your first, or you have yet to hold that precious little one in your arms remember... We are all so important to our children!

P.S. Does it feel to anyone else like we are having an abundance of boys this year?? It seems like everyone is having boys lately...

P.S.S. here is a link, in case there are any doubts, of how much a mother can impact her child's life. The author was on the radio this morning and I was literally bawling at my desk. I have not read it YET, but hearing the way he talked about his mother was so inspiring! I ordered my copy already :)

http://deseretbook.com/Sit-All-Amazed-Extraordinary-Power-Mothers-Love-Steve-Mikita/i/5053196

Much Love,
Crystal